Mean girls

Everyone knows some. And there is little some in everyone. 

I've been really thinking about this topic lately. Not because someone have been mean to me but because I might have been mean to someone. Not totally on purpose but still. 

Now I'm trying to change. I'm trying to be nice to everyone until I really know them. Because I found out that you really can not judge the book by its covers. 

Being mean isn't only black and white, it's full of different greys. Because you can be mean straight to someone or behind their back. You can be mean to someone once or twice or multiple times when it really becames bullying. You can also be a bit mean or absolutely cruel. 

There is two ways to be mean too. You can do mean stuff towards somebody or see mean stuff done towards somebody and don't try to stop it. Both are equally bad and unexeptable.

There is so many new faces in my classes now that I've started school again. Different faces than the old ones but that's no cause to bully anyone. Everyone should get to know these people before judging at all. Honestly it's an impossible mission to get to know all of them but I wouldn't mind some new friends. Though I love my old ones too. 

                                            Be nice, Eve X(oxo)

Opening the new door

I am so scared. My nine years of grammar school are done. Tomorrow will be the day when the rest of my life starts and after I got my certificate, no one (except for my parents) will force me to study. No one will tell me what to do with my future. And that's what scares me most. 

What if I succes to mess it all up?

What if I'll just get tired of trying? 

What if I don't find my place when all options are open? 

I am also really confused. Because in the other hand I find the start of summer vacation awesome. It's nice to be free and not to stress about school stuff. And it's nice to take it easy and just relax. But in the second hand I find the future too open and a bit scary. And I find the past bit too good place to leave right one.

These last three years of middle school have gone too fast for me. I would be more than happy to spend one more year with my lovely, great and crazy class. But since that's not an options I'll raise my head to the sun and force myself to see the good in my future. 

Tomorrow is my last change to make memories with those people I have loved and hated. Tomorow is my last change to show that deep down I like it in my school. And tommorrow I will do both. 

                      

                                   I hope you all will have great future ahead of you.

                                        Kisses, hugs and few tears too, Eve X(oxo)

Bestfriends are forever

Do you have someone in your life who's above all others? 

If you do, do you remember to remind her/him about that? I think I don't at least not too often. 

So this post is written for my bestfriend, my only one, my one above all others. 

We met ages ago when we were less than two years old. I guess it was like love at the first sight. Not that I could remember it. We have basically always been bestfriends. And before I used to remind her how much she means to me every once in a while but now I think I haven't done that in ages and I feel kind of guilty. I think that I have been there for her as much as I can and so has she but sometimes it's good to clothe your feelings and actions in to words. It's like an implicit agreement that we defend and help each other when needed. 

It's really important for everybody to have someone you can count on and share all your secrets with. Sadly everybody doesn't have that good of a friend and that's why I feel really lucky to have her by my side. We do fight and all sometimes but we always forgive each other quickly. 

This blog have been my secret from everyone even from my her. And now I will tell her that this blog exist. Scary as fuck! I hope she reads at least this post through and identify herself. And I hope that she gets that she means the world to me and she really always comes first. (Also I hope that she won't reveal this blog to anyone else yet.) No one who knows me by my real name have ever read this blog. And I hope that anytime soon no one else than her will.

    Together we are stronger, Eve X(oxo)

Live the life you love

I had this very wierd kind of a flashback earlier today. All of a sudden I felt like listening to some songs I loved when I was younger, like over five years ago.

So now when I got home I started to listen to those. And those aren't that bad at all! Yes quite old and really worn out but still. Those brought so many awesome memories back to my mind. And even thought it's lovely to remember how my life was few years ago it kind of makes me want to cry. Because I can't have those times back. It's like all gone in a good and in a bad way. 

Have you ever thought how easy it really is to forget your past? 

Or not like totally forget but not to think about it for a long while? 

About your childhood memories and friends and so on. People just doesn't think about that staff too often. Everyone (or almoust everyone) lives in this day not in the past. Like I do. Which is good ofcourse. But sometimes it's nice to look back and remember everything. 

Just close your eyes for while and look back. Do it now and you may find yourself smiling. Past is an awesome escape sometimes but it's not a place to stay. That's something you need to keep in mind too. Because if you stay there too long you might get lost. 

                                         

                                       Love yourselfs now and forever, Eve X(oxo)

Nothing much

I don't really have anything to write about. Just came to tell that I am still alive and I wish that you don't stop waiting. Because just like in real life I'm; always late, but worth the wait.

And actually I do have some things I want to write about but I'm way too lazy right now. But yeah I have few almost ready posts and ideas. So you'll hear from me later this weekend!

                   Have an awesome weekend! Kisses, Eve X(oxo)

Sweet nothing

How was your spring break if you had such a thing?

Mine was just fine. Not too much too do but not too less eighter. One problem only. It was way too short for me.

My vacation was filled with things I love like movies and hanging out with friends and sleeping long and so on. No thoughts about school, no hurry from one place to another and most of all no unhappines at all. 

With all of that this vacation was exactly what I wanted and needed it to be! Probably I have now a little bit more power to study these last months of our school year.

And because I'm not really in the mood for writing right now this post will be kind of short. But I'll write more soon. Or late, we'll see. I'll try my best.

Hope you had a nice vacation incase you had some!

                   All yours, Eve X(oxo)

Where am I heading to?

Sometimes it's good to stop for a while and take a deep breath. 

To think about your life and where it's going. 

Is it heading to the right or wrong place? 

Do you like the direction of it? 

If you do keep going. 

If you don't you should probably start again.

But what then if you have no idea where you want your life to head to? 

That's my problem right now (and always). I don't know what I want from my future but to help figure that out I'm asking myself questions and trying to answer those honestly.

Do I want to go to army? Yes, but I don't know if I'm able to.
Do I want to live abroad? In some day I would really love to.
Do I want to have children? Absolutely but not in many years.
Do I want to study in a university? I don't know I could but I know. 
Do I want to live on my own? Yes totally as soon as I think I'm capable of it.
Do I want to be an exchange student? No, I don't want to. Or maybe, but I don't think so.

After answering those questions I think I know a little bit more about my future plans. Not much but still. And that's not all there is thousands of questions most of those still without answers. 

                    Love, Eve X(oxo)

An alphabet song

With my few favorite things by alphabets. For you to find out more about me!

A: Apple, I'm just so addicted to my phone and probably could not live without it.

B: Bestfriend, boyfriend and brother. All super important to me and just awesome people!

C: Cocacola zero, my all time favorite.

D: Daddy. My first love!

E: Oh this is me! I'm so selfish.

F: Friends and family. Both are really important to me couldn't live without either one!

G: Google. Lifesaver what else can I say?

H: The host that's my favorite book writen by Stephanie Meyer. 

I: Instagram you can find me there too with the name: holdingonlettinggo.

L: Love. No need for explanation?

M: Mommy. My first hero.

N: Nights I'm totally a nightperson.

P: Pirate my childhood dreamjob.

S: Summer! I just love the warm weather, who wouldn't?

T: Tähti meaning a star. Probably my favorite finnish word.

U: Unelmointi which is dreaming in English. Hold on to your dreams!

W: Winter to counterbalance for summer because I love snow too.

                       EveX(oxo)

Running too fast to stay alive

My life have been really hectic lately. I've been just running around and doing everything (and too much nothing). Do you know the feeling when you have to do this and that even though you just feel like closing your eyes and taking a small break? That's been my reality for this week. Last week I had my winter vacation and I went to Sweden relaxing and it feels already like it's beem a year since. For real I didn't totally relax at all if sleeping doesn't count. I snowboarded and downhillskied daily for hours with my family and my bestfriends family. We had so much fun and the whole trip was totally wonderfull. 

Did you have your winter vacation already? Or do you have such a thing at all? 

Getting back to these days, I actually kind of like that hectic lifestyle when it's not totally over the top. At least you don't have to sarcrifice a thought for what to do next. Though I would like it even more if I could which the school stuff for hanging with my friends. 

Which do you prefer? Slow life or the life of a runner? 

Even though hectic isn't always that bad I'm trying to change my lifestyle to slower mode for while. Wish me luck!

                         Eve X(oxo)

The future starts today

What do u think about your future? Scary or wonderfull? Known or unknown? Bad or great? 

I don't usually like to think about future I'm one of those who live their lifes day by day. But now (actually in this starting month) I'm forced to think about it. I must decide where I want to study next  because my primary school is almost over. I've already decided to go to high school instead of vocational school to get three more years to think what I want to be when I grow up. Now the only problem is that I have no idea what school will I choose. 

There is one nearby but pretty many people from my old class and school are going there. Not that I don't like them but it would be awesome to meet new people and make new friends. It's just that those schools with new people are thirty minutes wit bus the closest bus stop happens to be fifteen minutes of cycling and almost thirteen of walking away from where I live. By my scooter it takes only less than ten minutes but I can't really drive in the winter.

I guess deep in my mind I've already decided that I'll just go to the high school nearby. Because after all it's only three years. And these last three years of primary school have just passed by so quickly. But when I've finally made my decision I'll be happy with it. Because more than anything I just want happiness for myself and those I love. 

                  Hope u didn't get too bored while reading that, Eve X(oxo)

Again about love

Do you still remember when I wrote that I don't know what's love and so on?

Well I still don't know for sure what is it. 

But I think now that I probably do love my boyfriend. Because this life is way too short to think about stuff (read shit) like this for too long. I love him now and I guess I also love him tomorrow. But if I don't it won't be the end of this world. Not even close. 

And last time I wrote I felt sometimes like locked up in a cage. I do not feel like that anymore. I feel happy about that I have someone in my life who likes and loves me now. Even thougt he wouldn't love me forever.

I now have someone besides my bestfriends who knows pretty much everything about my life and about me.

                   Love Eve X(oxo)

What is love?

Sounds weird, ha? It's not. More like every day life. Included in everything.

I personally haven't figured out yet, what is love. Is it just a feeling or more like a need? 

I know how does it feel to love mom or dad or brother or friend. But how does it feel to lovelove someone? I am just not sure if I know that at all.

I know that my boyfriend loves me. Or so does he say. But how do I know that I love him back? 

I haven't said it back yet because I want to be sure before I do. Am I being cruel? I don't think so. I know that I love him but by the same way I love all my other friends also. Is that enough at all? I do like him a lot. Do I learn to love him later? Or do I grow to love him? I just feel so confused. And you are probably able to see it from this text.

And not only the love part confuses me. Also that feeling I sometimes have about our relationship. I am not afraid of the fact that we'll probably break up some day (or get married) I am not afraid of what others might think about us as a couple. But sometimes I feel like an wild animal locked up in a cage. Like someone (this time my boyfriend) have taken my freedom away. Not often but still sometimes. And I don't know what to think about it.

       Well, thats all of my weird text for     

                 this time. Eve X(oxo)

New year dreams

This upcoming year...

...will be awesome, fabulous, wonderful, amazing, suprising and the best year so far.

...I will live every day like it is the last day of my life.

...I will love everyone and everything deserving my love.

...I will laugh to everything and nothing and enjoy life.

...I will respect others, and try to be a better person.

...I won't regret any decisions I've made.

...I won't worry about my mistakes too much because everyone makes mistakes.

...will be a great year and I'll spend it with the people I love

              Have a great 2013,

                    Eve (xoxo)